i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
