oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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