Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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