even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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