everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
