i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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