dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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