brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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