im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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