Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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