did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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