It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
