I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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