Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
