One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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