God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
