Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
