She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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