is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
