I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize