I smell stomach acid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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