How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
