I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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