you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
