I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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