i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
