If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
