We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
