well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
