Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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