I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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