Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
