we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
