Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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