i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
