Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
