i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
