if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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