OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
