remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
