Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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