Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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