well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
