help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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