those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
