Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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