I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
