They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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