he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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