somebody snuck up and got me drunk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im holly from the hills drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
