I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
