she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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