So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
