if i can run in heels then i can drive
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
where are my eyebrows?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
