who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But break dance skills will only take you so far
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
