Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
