im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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