She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
