i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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