I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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