does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
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