Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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