I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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