thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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