i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
