i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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