I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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