After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
