Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
