3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
