Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
