do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My bed smells like the plague
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
