Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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