a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
