Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize