Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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