I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
