Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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