Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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