Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
